Kioku no Uta
by Kris Senju
Summary: Sometimes songs invoke memories from deep within us. Bring forth unwanted emotions through out favorite things, and to our relaxants. Pre- Rehabilitation "Sometimes it's not the song that makes you emotional... it's the people that come to mind when your hear it."
1. A song takes flight

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and it's characters, this is just written for my enjoyment and not for profit. I do not own Black Dahlia by Angel Haze I only used the song as a prose for this fic. Again I only write this for my enjoyment and not for any profit of the sort.**

 **Authors Note: I recommend listening to Black Dahlia after reading this which is where I got the idea to write this. Read and Review Plese**

I rise from my chair and head towards the window, a voice stops me from vaulting out. "Shouldn't you be training not skipping out early, Captain," Tenzo says from his position on the roof a Neko mask covering his features but his voice holds the same inflection.

"Maa, Maa Tenzo your so mean to your future Kage. I'm just taking a break for today. Maybe I'll go see my sensei and team they got so big, saving the world and all," I say in a peppy lit.

"Oh, so I guess I'll hear about it from Naruto and Sasuke during today's training," He states rather than questions. I keep my visible eye from twitching in irritation. _Come on..._

"Well I hope so, I am their sensei, after all, Ja ne!" I say quickly and jumping out the window keeping up my momentum until I reach the opposite street and head towards the memorial stone. I jump off the ledge continue in my usual stride, Icha Icha in my left hand, shoulders slumped and head bowed. The letter in my pocket, a burning reminder. My hand starts to reach towards it as a voice breaks my thoughts.

"Kakashi-sensei ! " Naruto yells as he runs towards me waving and dragging Sasuke with him, Sakura and Minato-sensei following slowly behind them.

"Slow down, Dobe," Sasuke says irritably a wisp of a smile on his face.

"Come on teme," Naruto says with a laugh.

When they reach me, Sasuke pulls his hand out of Naruto's grasp with a grumble. "You should eat with us, Sensei. We can go eat Ichiraku together," Naruto says ignoring the winces of his companions.

"Ah maybe later," I say and start to walk away.

"Come on Sensei, Yamato-sensei and Sai already said no. Don't bail on me too," Naruto pleads.

"Yeah, come on Kakashi-sensei, let's all eat together like we used too," Sakura says with an exasperated glance at Naruto.

"I'll meet you guys there later," I say and try to leave again.

"Teme say something," Naruto yells as I continue on my way.

"Hey it's only for a little while Kakashi," Minato-sensei says,"then you can tell me some stories," He continues glancing at Naruto then smiling at me. _I couldn't save you either._

"Sure but only for a bit," I say trying to keep the guilt from clouding my words and head toward Ichiraku.

"I told you Sensei wanted ramen," Naruto cheers with a smug smile.

A few hours pass before I start to pull away, the sun begin to sink. I leave Ichiraku much to the chagrin of my students and teacher. The leaves crackle as I make my way to the memorial stone, the air frigid and misty. I come to a stop and trace his name with my fingertips. _Obito._

"Well here, I am again Obito. You aren't behind me or somethin' right?" I say a dry chuckle escaping my lips.

"You'd think I'd stop coming here, I'll stop at some point. But today I actually have something for you. I'm not very artistic or poetic, so I just stuck with what I know and wrote you letter. I know you are probably laughing your ass off, so I'll make this quick," I clear my throat and pull out the letter.

"I wrote this a few years back, so in enlight of everything I tweaked it little, well here I go." I give a nervous laugh and double check for chakra signatures.

"When I thought of writing you this, I thought that I would tell you everything that's happening and beg you for forgiveness, even though I don't deserve it. Or maybe write you a happy ending where everyone is alive and well. Then maybe the war wouldn't have taken place, or that I could have traded places with you. Maybe I'm just naive, I spent so much time wishing it ended differently," _Why did it have to be you?,_ "that I could somehow fix everything and take away your heartache and wipe the slate clean. If I could go back I would smile, joke and be an actual friend to you, a real teammate," I say swallowing a gulp.

"I would show everyone how amazing you are and how you are my best friend and my rival. I would make sure you weren't alone, that you had a shoulder to cry on, a home and a smile to come too. The fact is with your smile you wiped all my pain away. While I was too busy fighting my demons and as my rage grew, I forgot you were running too." I take a breath as the wind howls in an empty laugh.

"Look where that got me, with every whisper of friend-killer, I see you smiling your smile. Because I'm the one that killed your smile and that makes me evil. Then I saw you, standing there mask breaking off and I lost you all over again,"A shudder pass through me as winds grows colder, " I had thought in my naive head that we could change everything. I kept wishing we had more time to breathe. I know you thought the same when you took that hit for me again with a smile on your face."

"Everything is different now, the world is cold again. Maybe a part of me thought you'd live to smile again and call me 'Bakashi'. Everytime I look in the mirror, I see you dying. With this eye I was supposed to see the future for you make it brighter. Instead I brought more pain and darkness upon you. I know me writing this might make you angry but I needed to release this. There was a light in you and darkness in your memories, they keep attacking you and painting you in a shade of shadows and bloody tears. That's something I wish I could remove from you. When you died I lost a part of myself that wanted to forget and move on. The part that would go to hell and back; the part that would go to prison and exile just to see you smile again.I realized that I needed light and without it hell is the only alternative outcome. I never wanted you to take the fall, and I wish I had made more out of your sacrifice. I only wish you had someone to save you."

 _Sorry I couldn't save you, Obito._ "And that you realized that you couldn't live without light. That you won't find it in anyone but yourself. I would try and help you find it, and if saw darkness in you. I would kill it and bring your smile back. Even if it killed me, it would be worth it, to give you a happy ending. Because you are special to me, you aren't just my teammate but the reason I live and breathe. I want you to know if I could go back, I would be a friend to you. The one that made your smiles real not for my sake, but for you. So that you'd have a better life, maybe then you wouldn't have made the decisions that almost cost us the world. The darkness wouldn't have killed you, if that means I died instead that'd be okay." I clear my throat when it begins to ache and push the images of my students to the corner of my mind.

"If that really means the end of me, I'd do it so you could have a happy ending. I knew you were running and that I could have saved you. Even if that means the end of me at I could have saved you. Maybe I'm naive because still think I could have stopped(saved) you, because here I am becoming your dream. When all I wish it was you taking the mantle after Tsunade. Maybe we are just stuck on the road of life. Maybe then your fall wouldn't have been as tragic like Tsubaki."

 _I'm sorry that I couldn't save you or give you a happy ending, Obito._

 _Sincerely, Kakashi_

I carefully fold the letter and tuck into my pocket. I trace his name again in a final goodbye and shushin home, the swirl of leaves filling my departure. I enter through the window and immediately begin to undress and place the letter in the back of my team of photo. I look at our young faces angry and smiling fondly. _I'm sorry,_ I think when I finally lay down on my futon. If you were here I wouldn't be saying sorry before I slept. Maybe I could have said goodbye. Then the whispers of your voice would disappear.

' **Friend-killer' it screams,** _'I know' I whisper back._ Then I wouldn't say these words in my dreams but to you.

 _Goodnight, Goodbye Obito till I can mourn you once more._


	2. The sun takes it's place

I would rather be outside in the sun, instead of this hole in the earth, with its interlocking cave tunnels and shared room and bathroom for a pair. I pull off my soiled cloak and let it drop with a sickening squelch then remove the rest of my clothes. The cloak lies there in its mess of brown covering the usually bright crimson clouds inlaid in its black. "Hafta to pick that up before Kakuzu bitches, old bastard," I mutter as I begin turning the dials in the shower and clean off most of the gunk before my bath.

I wish that I was outside with the sun shining but this will do. Most think I'd prefer the night when darkness purges all the light and brings forth shadows and monsters. The kind that makes mortals pray to their 'gods' for protection. _NO!_ I'd rather be in the sunlight away from everyone with only my thoughts and books.

That's why I love taking a bath that's practically boiling it's the only time, time that I feel cocooned in the same constant warmth. Even though I wish to be out on an open field where the sounds of the wildlife are all around, a cool breeze the only interruption felt but this will do; a bath with artificial light beaming down. But fuck this the only time I feel like myself, purified of everything especially the cold. _Jashin I fucking hate it._ That's not to say I rather it be sweltering hot if I did I'd just relocate to Suna with fire-crotch. _Fuck that._

I'd rather have the fall and spring with their vindictive winds and sudden chills. For Jashin I would suffer pain, cold, burning, and yes even this hole in the ground doesn't mean I'll love it. I get out of the tub and drain the water, I push my hair out of my eyes, the silver strands darkened and dripping. I glance at my distorted image covered faint mist. Before and after a shower are the only time Kakuzu, never yells, sure he still grumbles about saving money if I just died already, other than that nothing else.

The base is filled with a tranquil silence, with a peace, I hardly feel anymore, so I try to enjoy it when I can. Everyone is silent and still as I walk to the kitchen as if an emptiness and a brief oblivion brought upon us, no one speaks in fear it will shatter; it never lasts.

The first time it happened, no one had said anything until the door had banged open and Deidara had raced past with a storm chasing his tail, he gave the room an unnerved glance, "What the fuck is wrong with y'all, hm," he inquest after attempting to grab a seat on the couch.

Subsequently causing everyone to talk, some throwing angry glances around. No one seemed to notice that I'm the most enraged of them all yet unspeaking. I rise from my sprawl on the floor and trample past Deidara. My shoulder 'innocently' collides with his, stopping his tirade at Sasori, "Don't any of you know how to shut the fuck up!" I holler as I slam the door to my room. _Dumb fucks._ Yeah, not many wanted to disrupt it.

On missions, I'll climb the highest trees, on the topmost limb and lay down across it absorbing the sun's rays. I guess the plant and I share something in common. Deidara fancy's thunderstorms, he said ' that they fill the empty silence quieting all sounds but its own and brings a transient feeling like no other and always distinct.' I can see the appeal when it's only warm rain showers on a hot spring day, with its flashes of light but other than that it seems cold and unforgiving.

Seemingly like warriors in battle, it isn't as bad as the monstrosity that is winter. Even when the rain ceases it shades the sun leaving it a gray glimmer of itself. It's even worse when it fills the whole day, strangely enough, Deidara disappears on those days. When he returns with a crazed demeanor his eyes blank but aware. As if Jashin had opened his eyes, I would believe that if he wasn't such a fucking heathen.

I can see why he enjoys his storms but I would still rather have my sunny days. I look away from the mirror, my magenta eyes in clear view instead of misted, my hair semi-dry and finally untangled.

I walk past Kakuzu and hear him mumble, "Took you long enough", as I shrug my way past in favor food. I don't say anything even when Deidara walks past me when the first rumbles of a storm begin. I let him enjoy his storms just as long he doesn't disturb my warmth. I only hum, in content when he returns a few hours later.

His hair up in a towel still dripping water down his back. He sits there in silence molding his clay even though silence has long since shattered and everyone has gone on with their lives. So who am I stop him from loving his storms? When he lets me enjoy the little bits of warmth and quiet I can get; it never lasts. _Yeah, these fuckers sure are heathens._ I think with a smile.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

 **I promise the next will have more writing, this just test a new style hopefully the next one is a little better.**


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